Decoding broker double talk

A look at real estate clichés and their definitions

New York /
Aug.August 03, 2014 11:00 AM
 

 Hunting for an affordable NYC apartment is hard enough, but a shady double-talking broker can make the experience even worse. To ease the pain, Time Out has rounded up and decoded the most commonly used bits of broker-babble. Check out their “New York real estate agent to English dictionary” below.

New York Real Estate Agent:
“This building has tons of history!”
English Translation:
“Three people have been murdered in this apartment.”

New York Real Estate Agent:
“Pre-war gem in the heart of Greenpoint!”
English Translation:
“Covered in peeling linoleum and 17 blocks from the closest subway.”

New York Real Estate Agent:
“This cozy studio apartment boasts all modern fixtures!”
English Translation:
“This tiny little shoebox has plumbing from the early 20th century, which, in a broader historical context, legally counts as ‘modern’. Also, the water is often an alarming shade of brown.”

New York Real Estate Agent:
“East Williamsburg!”
English Translation:
“The far side of Bushwick.”

New York Real Estate Agent:
“Quaint pre-war building!”
English Translation:
“Don’t try to use the toaster and the air conditioner at the same time.”

New York Real Estate Agent:
“Charming.”
English Translation:
“There are two kinds of linoleum in the kitchen.”

New York Real Estate Agent:
“Roof Access!”
English Translation:
“Has a fire escape.”

New York Real Estate Agent:
“This unit features original fixtures and moldings.”
English Translation:
“This hole has never been renovated.”

New York Real Estate Agent:
“Hmm, I’m really not sure if the Brooklyn House of Detention is going to reopen. I haven’t heard anything.”
English Translation:
“The Brooklyn House of Detention is definitely going to reopen.”

New York Real Estate Agent:
“Three bedrooms!”
English Translation:
“There are two bedrooms and half of a walk in closet.”

New York Real Estate Agent:
“This fabulous dwelling is conveniently located walking distance from the subway!”
English Translation:
“Technically speaking, everywhere on Earth that can be reached by land is ‘walking distance’. Buy some comfortable shoes.”

New York Real Estate Agent:
“Large skylights guarantee a sun-drenched apartment!”
English Translation:
“There is one weird window set in the sloping ceiling over the bed that is impossible to cover. Enjoy being woken up at 4am in the summer.”

 [Time Out]Christopher Cameron


Related Articles

arrow_forward_ios
(Image by Wolfgang & Hite via Dezeen)
Hudson Yards megadevelopment inspires a new line of sex toys
Hudson Yards megadevelopment inspires a new line of sex toys
Cammeby's International Group founder Rubin Schron and, from top: 194-05 67th Avenue, 189-15 73rd Avenue and 64-05 186th Lane (Credit: Google Maps)
Ruby Schron lands $500M refi for sprawling Queens apartment portfolio
Ruby Schron lands $500M refi for sprawling Queens apartment portfolio
Wendy Silverstein (Credit: Getty Images)
Wendy Silverstein, co-head of WeWork’s real-estate fund, is out
Wendy Silverstein, co-head of WeWork’s real-estate fund, is out
This Arkansas compound  sits directly across from the University of Arkansas football stadium. (Getty, Realtor.com)
Arkansas’ priciest home lists near Fayetteville football stadium
Arkansas’ priciest home lists near Fayetteville football stadium
Philip Falcone and his homes at 142 Crestview Lane in Sagaponack and  22 East 67th Street (Getty, Corcoran, Google Maps)
Foreclosure on Phil Falcone’s homes can move forward
Foreclosure on Phil Falcone’s homes can move forward
Softbank CEO Masayoshi Son and Compass CEO Robert Reffkin (Getty, Compass)
SoftBank buys $72M of Compass stock
SoftBank buys $72M of Compass stock
BHS CEO Bess Friedman, Sotheby’s CEO Philip White REBNY head James Whelan, Douglas Elliman executive chairman Howard Lorber and Corcoran CEO Pamela Liebman (Getty, iStock)
Broker fee ban an “error,” court rules
Broker fee ban an “error,” court rules
Larry Ellison and 12525 Seminole Beach Road (Getty, Google Maps)
Oracle co-founder pays $80M for North Palm Beach estate
Oracle co-founder pays $80M for North Palm Beach estate
arrow_forward_ios

The Deal's newsletters give you the latest scoops, fresh headlines, marketing data, and things to know within the industry.

Loading...