Decoding broker double talk

A look at real estate clichés and their definitions

New York /
Aug.August 03, 2014 11:00 AM
 

 Hunting for an affordable NYC apartment is hard enough, but a shady double-talking broker can make the experience even worse. To ease the pain, Time Out has rounded up and decoded the most commonly used bits of broker-babble. Check out their “New York real estate agent to English dictionary” below.

New York Real Estate Agent:
“This building has tons of history!”
English Translation:
“Three people have been murdered in this apartment.”

New York Real Estate Agent:
“Pre-war gem in the heart of Greenpoint!”
English Translation:
“Covered in peeling linoleum and 17 blocks from the closest subway.”

New York Real Estate Agent:
“This cozy studio apartment boasts all modern fixtures!”
English Translation:
“This tiny little shoebox has plumbing from the early 20th century, which, in a broader historical context, legally counts as ‘modern’. Also, the water is often an alarming shade of brown.”

New York Real Estate Agent:
“East Williamsburg!”
English Translation:
“The far side of Bushwick.”

New York Real Estate Agent:
“Quaint pre-war building!”
English Translation:
“Don’t try to use the toaster and the air conditioner at the same time.”

New York Real Estate Agent:
“Charming.”
English Translation:
“There are two kinds of linoleum in the kitchen.”

New York Real Estate Agent:
“Roof Access!”
English Translation:
“Has a fire escape.”

New York Real Estate Agent:
“This unit features original fixtures and moldings.”
English Translation:
“This hole has never been renovated.”

New York Real Estate Agent:
“Hmm, I’m really not sure if the Brooklyn House of Detention is going to reopen. I haven’t heard anything.”
English Translation:
“The Brooklyn House of Detention is definitely going to reopen.”

New York Real Estate Agent:
“Three bedrooms!”
English Translation:
“There are two bedrooms and half of a walk in closet.”

New York Real Estate Agent:
“This fabulous dwelling is conveniently located walking distance from the subway!”
English Translation:
“Technically speaking, everywhere on Earth that can be reached by land is ‘walking distance’. Buy some comfortable shoes.”

New York Real Estate Agent:
“Large skylights guarantee a sun-drenched apartment!”
English Translation:
“There is one weird window set in the sloping ceiling over the bed that is impossible to cover. Enjoy being woken up at 4am in the summer.”

 [Time Out]Christopher Cameron


Related Articles

arrow_forward_ios
Matt Lauer exposes Hamptons estate to the market
Matt Lauer exposes Hamptons estate to the market
Matt Lauer exposes Hamptons estate to the market
 Fredrik Eklund and the property (Getty, Steve Frankel)
Fredrik Eklund lists Bel Air mansion for rent as family moves to “forever home”
Fredrik Eklund lists Bel Air mansion for rent as family moves to “forever home”
Gordon Ramsey and his Lucky Cat restaurant (Lucky Cat)
Gordon Ramsay to open first South Florida restaurant in Miami Beach
Gordon Ramsay to open first South Florida restaurant in Miami Beach
A rendering of The Residences at 400 Central and John Catsimatidis (Catsimatidis via Getty)
John Catsimatidis breaks ground on 46-story condo project in St. Pete
John Catsimatidis breaks ground on 46-story condo project in St. Pete
Australian town is inundated with inquiries after offering free land to new residents
Australian town is inundated with inquiries after offering free land to new residents
Australian town is inundated with inquiries after offering free land to new residents
A collection of images from the Turkey Track Ranch listing (Icon Global)
An 80,000-acre ranch in the Texas Panhandle lists for $200M
An 80,000-acre ranch in the Texas Panhandle lists for $200M
The price of a new home in China’s largest cities fell for the first time since 2015
New home prices in China’s largest cities fall for first time since 2015
New home prices in China’s largest cities fall for first time since 2015
MLB teams agree to pay for some minor leaguers’ housing
MLB teams agree to pay for some minor leaguers’ housing
MLB teams agree to pay for some minor leaguers’ housing
arrow_forward_ios

The Deal's newsletters give you the latest scoops, fresh headlines, marketing data, and things to know within the industry.

Loading...