“Million Dollar Listing Miami” Episode 7: The Mixtape edition

It’s Episode Lucky #7 and there’s no better time for The Real Deal to play DJ again and bust out another MDL Mixtape!

The Earth, Wind and Fire of the real estate industry — Chris, Samantha and Chad — are back making beautiful music together, or at least creating annoying earworms, while assisting clients in buying, selling and leasing.

So sit back, put your headphones on and get ready to dance.

Here’s our phat soundtrack to accompany the show and highlights of what we learned this go around:

1. You have to be mad cool to wear velvet in Miami: The show opens with Chad, who is meeting his client visiting Miami from Colombia to scoop up some properties. We soon learn that Dr. Steve is so cool he wears velvet — blue velvet — in Miami in daytime. Chad explains that his first project with Dr. Steve was for just $100K, but when the return yielded 45 percent, Dr. Steve wanted more. Now he has $20M to invest in several properties. Sartorial choices aside, we can tell we’re going to be in for an awesome ride with this one. Their first stop is 400 Sunny Isles, because Dr. Steve’s priorities are view and location, of which this has both. Sonja, the seller’s rep, has two duplex penthouses to offer, as well as a one-story property, all of which are on a man-made beach even though the real beach is just a block away. Dr. Steve wanted a beachfront property, but he is intrigued by the rooftop pool and potential views.

Mixtape Song 1: Blue Velvet, Lana del Rey:

2. Sellers at an open house are the equivalent of a fart in church: Chris is on Brickell Avenue, which is the financial hub (think NYC’s Wall Street) of South Florida. He is meeting with a FSBO (for-sale-by-owner) who has not been able to sell his two-story penthouse in the last 21 days. Decorated with a multitude of bedazzled mezuzahs, one would think that at the very least, the Lord is on their side. However, there seems to be a schism between husband and wife: Manolo wants to stay in the apartment, but his wife wants to move to a house with a yard. It soon becomes clear the reason the property is languishing on the market is that it is way overpriced at $1.57M. Chris holds an open house, even though he hates them, and decides to do a healthy yoga-themed one complete with juice and a woman to check attendees’ anti-oxidant levels. As we watch the instructors contort and downward dog, a Marilyn Monroe-lookalike attendee asks about Chinese dry wall and mold.

Mixtape Song 2: Yoga Girl, Fog and Smog featuring DJ Dave – Barney Kook

3. Audrey Hepburns are a dime a dozen: Sam is in Highland Beach, dressed like a five and dime Audrey Hepburn and meeting with two surfer boys eager to sell their late dad’s estate. At 6,300 square feet with a screening room, great views and a beachfront, it also has a window in the bedroom offering a fish-tank like look into the pool above it — hot bikini girls not included. While they had fun in this crazy bachelor pad for the last year, maintaining it is getting costly and they’d like to sell. Their father paid $4.5M in ’05 and put about $2M into it, so they are hoping to get $7.5M. Sam has learned her lesson on taking overpriced properties, however, and puts her foot down. While she can’t sell it for what they want, she suggests they rent it for $25,000 a month instead.

Mixtape Song 3: Moon River, Audrey Hepburn

4. Papa don’t preach: Sam holds some private showings of the bachelor pad du jour while dressed like an extra from “Like a Virgin” in a white strapless dress and long pearls. She soon gets a bite from an Australian who won’t take a full-year lease but will pay $35K a month for six months. While the surfer boys initially balk, once Sam assures them she will put it on the sale market after the lease ends, they say alrighty. Later, we see her evolve into an older Madonna character, this time from “Papa Don’t Preach,” complete with baggie jeans and a bedazzled sweatshirt and Heidi braid. Her father tells her she needs to take some time off for herself and learn to delegate, but she laments that it is not possible because she doesn’t belong to a bigger firm. She decides she may have to check out some offers from other companies.

Mixtape Song 4: Like a Virgin, Madonna

Mixtape Song 5: Papa Don’t Preach, Madonna

5. Dr. Steve thinks bigger is better: Because Dr. Steve is amazing at making cash and investing but cannot possibly visualize what the view would be like from the 20th floor of his Sunny Isles Beach properties, Chad takes him in a helicopter a la the best “Bachelor” date ever. After seeing the unobstructed view, he decides to purchase the three penthouses at $6.6M total and still has $13.4M to invest elsewhere. Next up, Chad takes him all the way next door to another similar development, Park Towers, where they meet Regina, the sales director. Because all the apartments being offered seem too small, Chad asks Yosi, the developer, if they can buy the whole 25th floor, which is comprised of four units. Dr. Steve would like to perform an operation and transform the four units into two deluxe apartments in the sky. After haggling for about 10 minutes we will never get back, they get from $5.4M to $4.7M. We watch these things so you don’t have to. You can thank us by leaving us a comment below.

Mixtape Song 6: The Jefferson’s Theme Song

6. You can’t win them all: After Chris’ open house, he realizes the property is still priced too high. No amount of anti-oxidants can sell this place for the $1.495M the clients want. Once he convinces them to lower the price to $1.395M, the offers start pouring in. One is too low, but the second, for $1.3M all-cash, intrigues Manolo enough that after more convincing on Chris’ part, they all agree on $1.375M. Before you pop the Cristal, Bravo writes an afterword alerting us that even though it appeared they all agreed, the deal fell through and the unit is still on the market.

Mixtape Song 7: Disappointment, The Cranberries

7. If you like it, put a ring on it: Chad invites Meyer’s Jewelers over, along with Jen’s mom, in order to pick out an engagement ring. We see an assortment of rocks ranging from a 3-carat beauty worth $89K, to a 4.2-carat stunner worth $177K. No word on where Neil Lane is. Chad then charters a boat, pours out some champagne and gets on one knee. We are left with a faux-cliffhanger. No way she is saying no.

Mixtape Song 8: Single Ladies, Beyonce