Trending
“The right apartment can get you laid”: a handy real estate how-to guide
Today in startling real estate trends, the Post devotes 853 words to the allegedly “increasing” phenomenon of “rich guys…buying lavish apartments to woo women.” (Our apologies to Jennifer Aniston — apparently it doesn’t work the other way around). Says the tabloid: “the right apartment can get you laid,” and adding credence, they’ve got Prudential Douglas Elliman superbroker Dolly Lenz weighing in with her two cents: “The swagger is back in the market,” she offers. “A trophy apartment says you’ve arrived.” Behold, the Post’s handy real estate how-to on getting a woman to sleep with you:
– Floor-to-ceiling windows: “Women see windows — and skirts come off,” says 42-year-old bachelor Jim Norton, who is, admittedly, a comedian by trade.
– Perhaps some parquet floors and a doorman: “With space at a premium, most New York women aren’t expecting anything palatial,” the Post advises.
– $10 million and up is best: “Every two-bit banker at Goldman Sachs can buy you an expensive dinner or have a $175,000 Ferrari, but how many can have the $10 million trophy pad?” says an anonymous financier, who asked not to be named in the piece.
– Good friends: The aforementioned financier “lets his friends borrow his 5,000-square-foot Upper East Side apartment so they can bring home the ladies while he’s away on business. After letting a London hedge-funder borrow his flat for a few days, the financier reported that his friend was able to score every night with three women (though not at the same time).”
– Cookies baking in the oven, pot holders, scented soaps, décor that screams 1950s sitcom: “But while ladies do love a room with a view, there’s something else they love — anything in the apartment that lends the man an air of domesticity.” Because all New York women really just want to settle down and get married.
– An elevator: “I think a guy who lives on the top floor of a sixth-floor walk-up better have some immaculate game.” Okay, okay, this one is actually true.