We’ve all been there: waiting for something we desire but not knowing if it will actually come to fruition. Wayward lovers – as well as wayward apartment offers — can leave us reeling with an overwhelming sense of longing and potential loss. In reality, waiting is universal, and life itself is a sort of a waiting game. And in those moments of biding one’s time — like waiting for this damn episode of “Million Dollar Listing New York” — our thoughts can get away from us. It is during these periods of forced distraction that we are sometimes inspired.
We sometimes fill these gaps in time with our own memories or creative narratives. Here is where our thoughts meandered to during episode 7 of Bravo’s hit reality show.
1. Fredrik meets up with Ari, a developer he had worked with earlier in the show’s season, this time for a $10 million, 4,200-square foot duplex in the same building as before. The price tag may be higher this go-around, but the bathrooms and kitchens are atrocious. Fredrik hopes to sweeten the deal (see what we did right there?) and get the exclusive from Ari by bringing him a pie. Never satisfied, Ari wants cupcakes. Fredrik waits expectantly to hear he has the exclusive at a price he can work with.
Where our mind goes: Fredrik gets the deal along with a set of “goosies,” the term for goosebumps made ever-so-popular by J-Lo on American Idol. When we hear that term, we can’t help but think of American Idol, which was on earlier this evening.
2. In the previous episode, Emilia walked out on Ryan because he was being non-communicative. We see him in this episode speaking with assistant Olivia about an upcoming trip to Los Angeles — via private jet — to help a client named Light negotiate the terms on a quintessential LA bachelor pad.
Where our mind goes: We begin to wander through all the times Ryan and Olivia are together and it strikes us that camaraderie could — should! — at any point turn romantic. Why not juice this narrative up and have Ryan fall into Olivia’s arms here and now, realizing that while he seems to have trouble opening up with Emilia, he never seems to have the some difficulty with Olivia. They’re both young, good looking and in the same industry — and we’re hoping they open their eyes and see what we have been seeing for quite some time: They are perfect for each other — just like a newer version of “When Harry Met Sally.”
3. Luis is back with bad-boy developer Ian Reisner at 230 Central Park South, hoping their partnership will be fruitful. But aside from rudely continuing to call Luis “Ricky,” Ian also now expects Luis to be his errand boy by making him a human easel, asking him to walk his dog and to pick up dry cleaning. As if that doesn’t make us wish someone would duct tape his mouth shut: when Ian tells a prospective buyer, who says the apartment is bigger than she needs, that “he is not a size queen” either, we are hoping Luis has a nail gun handy.
Where our mind goes: With his classic good looks and ability to poke fun at himself, Luis reminds us of the Hollywood of yesteryear, although more Jerry Lewis than Ricky Ricardo.
4. Ryan heads to LA at the summoning of his client, Light, because “LA brokers are soft,” and he needs, “King Kong from NY.” Ryan finds himself in a sort of bizarro world where nothing is as he expects; LA clearly isn’t agreeing with him. While he finds the home he is trying to procure for his buyer nice, he says the view is of “dead dirt — a dead ski mountain.” He tries to school Sam, the seller’s broker, in real estate terminology while negotiating the price of the 3,300 square foot, four-bedroom house by explaining that in New York, brokers like very specific comps and go by price per square foot. He also demands a “counter” after he makes an offer of $3.15 million on Light’s behalf. Sam won’t budge and Ryan is left dejected and unable to get a cab. It is clear he is not in
Kansas NYC anymore.
Where our mind goes: Ryan mentions the East Coast/West Coast differences saying, it’s like “Biggie vs. 2pac” and we can’t help but think about that sad old rivalry.
5. Fredrik begins to show the Apthorp apartment to a woman named Alice carrying her dog —whose name translates to “cottonball” — in a Louis Vuitton bag. Balking at the hideous kitchen and bathrooms and too-small master bedroom, but agreeing it is “grandiose” with its nice high ceilings, she makes a lowball offer and wants the whole place remodeled to her floor plan. When Ari and Fredrik tell her that is not acceptable and to offer more, she says, “My offer is: you give me the key and it’s ready.” They finally agree to $9.5 million with the developer renovating to match her desired layout. We later find out the deal has gone bust after it turns out Alice only has enough purchasing power to buy $5 million worth of property. Ari warns Fredrik if he doesn’t find a buyer by the 15th of the month, he will rent the unit instead and pull it off the market. Fredrik calls everyone he knows waiting to hear if he can rustle up another taker. When told a client doesn’t like it because of the layout, Fredrik says, “that’s a better layout than the one on my face.” He gets turned down by everyone, and his assistant Jordan points out that it isn’t his fault. But Fredrik says, “It’s always the broker’s fault.”
Where our mind goes: The accent … The sense of entitlement … It’s all too much. The accent and real estate connection remind us of the Ivana Trump of our youth.
6. Alone in Los Angeles, Ryan picks at his kale salad trying to reach Emilia, who still isn’t returning his phone calls. He laments to the camera that Light flew him all the way there and he “still couldn’t get the deal done.” He finally gets a call from Sam saying Light could have the apartment for $3.5 million, so the deal is on. But Ryan is still in a funk. We see him walking by the water looking forlorn, suit pants rolled up and shirt askew. When Olivia (see, we told you they are perfect for each other…) calls he says, “I’m the only person wearing a tie. Everyone else is wearing fanny packs and short shorts and it’s Wednesday morning!” He goes on, “They all drive expensive cars which I can only assume are on very high monthly leases.” He continues that he can’t believe they gave David Spade a star. “This place is so stupid. Stupid palm trees. Stupid kale salads. Stupid LA. Stupid ocean.”
Where our mind goes: Ryan, buttoned up business executive, find himself a fish out of water, much like Mad Men’s Don Draper when he visited CA in the “Tale of Two Cities” episode:
7. Luis is thrilled to report to Ian that he got an all-cash $11 million offer for the Central Park South apartment. But in the previous episode, Ian told Luis that he would not split the commission with him if a potential buyer he was already dealing with put in an offer. Now, he informs Luis that said buyer has put in $11.5 million bid — and he is accepting it, thereby excluding Luis from the deal. “I’m done. Trading house is done,” Ian exclaims. That leaves Luis flustered and saying he did more than bring people in, and that he has some things he wants to explain. Ian sticks to his Ricky Ricardo schtick and says, “You have some e-splaining to do? Lucy? Lucy?” Luis begs to be able to try to get his client up to the asking price and Ian relents, telling him he must do so by 10 a.m. the following day. When Luis phones his client, the call goes unanswered. It is here that Luis says the most profound thing ever uttered on the show: “Real estate is mostly about waiting.”
He tries to distract himself in his apartment, with time ticking away, by doing pushups. When he can’t take the waiting game anymore, he calls his clients repeatedly, like a desperate lovelorn suitor. It all works out in the end, as they agree to full ask, an offer that is “as legit as Abraham Lincoln” and Ian agrees to give Luis 3%!
Where our mind goes: This scene brings to mind one of the most cringe-worthy scenes ever in American cinema, from the movie “Swingers.” In it, Mikey calls a girl he met at a bar, Nikki, immediately after being warned by friends to observe the “two day” rule.
8. Ryan is the guest of honor at Nestseeker’s grand opening of their first Beverly Hills office. He reminisces that he started at the firm five years before. “I didn’t even own a suit and now to be the guest of honor is awesome.” Things are on the upswing, though. While at the party, Emilia finally calls, snarkily saying that she thought he didn’t want to communicate in reply to his request to get dinner with him so they can talk. Ryan is relieved that Emilia seems to be willing to give him another chance.
Where our mind goes: We are unsure whether Ryan will be able to rekindle his relationship with Emilia or if all his waiting for her to call him back has been in vain. And if so, will he realize Olivia is the one for him?