Donald Trump has sold many things over the course of his life: skyscrapers, ties, books. Now the Donald is running for president, and is selling some new things. Here are the three strangest items in Trump’s official presidential campaign online store:
1. Trump red solo cups. Nothing fuels xenophobic rage like alcohol. (But this raises a serious question: has the Donald changed his definition of top-shelf and classy?)
2. Trump megaphone. So you can yell at Mexicans from across the street.
3. Trump Spirit Poms. Is this the Donald’s way of reaching out to female voters?
And here are the top three items that inexplicably aren’t sold on Trump’s official presidential campaign online store:
1. Trump Steaks. “Believe me, I understand steaks, they’re my favorite food!” said Donald Trump, and every Republican primary voter ever. Red-blooded conservatives love steaks. Why are you denying them, Donald? Is it possible they were produced in — gasp — Latin America?
2. Trump ties. Your target group here is tasteless, middle-aged white men. Your campaign appeals to tasteless, middle-aged white men. I’m no businessman, but this seems like a pretty obvious slam dunk.
3. Trump Vodka. This would go perfectly with those nice red solo cups.