Stuart Elliott
This month kicks off with April Fools’ Day, and what better time to share the fake Onion-style headlines I’ve thought up over the past year while covering the New York City real estate beat? There was plenty of good material to draw from — ranging from lame dashed-off market reports, to the shenanigans employed to sell new condos, to the colorful personalities in these shark-infested waters. Here are the not-so-far-off-reality stories that would make up my satirical April Fools’ Day fantasy issue of The Real Deal:
• Condo developer offering discounts regrets jumping on Lindsay Lohan bandwagon
• Residential agent asks, “What are those guys on Wall Street doing to make so much money that I can’t figure out?”
• Lenz exits annual Stratosphere Award competition at Elliman to get new “God’s broker” prize
• Floor-to-ceiling glass windows inspire creeping sense of self-consciousness in resident
• Man attempts to use Metrocard to pay for Footlong at Second Avenue Subway
• Broker confesses that market report was based on one deal he heard about secondhand
• Reporter who claims latest market report showed “nothing new” is fired
• Out-of-work architectural renderer says he was just trying to be accurate in placing methadone clinic next to $1,500-a-square-foot condo building
• Brokers say inventory tight at top of market, with apartments available for $100M nonexistent
• South of Your Bed — SoYB — becomes latest neighborhood name coined by brokers
• Satan fires off letter to the editor about portrayal in The Real Deal’s “The Closing”
• Satan hires Rubenstein Associates to “soften image”
• “Sean” Penn Station name change rejected as part of Moynihan overhaul
• Broker you’ve never heard of changes firms — again
• Columnist: Silverstein should be living on a pension, not getting billions to invest from them
• Trump’s hair sees shadow; spring delayed
• TRD editor disregards own maxim to never throw stones at another man’s hair
• Street repair effort launched to finally pave over Soho’s cobblestones
• Architectural critic actually likes building he’s reviewing
After that foray into fantasy, let’s turn back to reality. We have some very good (real) stories in the issue. For starters, check out our look at the industry’s moguls in the making. From a 23-year-old residential broker who is selling $13 million apartments to a duo in their early 30s who have been among the most active young property purchasers in the city since starting up their own investment firm just two years ago, we bring you the top up-and-coming players under 35 on the New York City real estate scene. You’ll be impressed with what they’ve accomplished already.
Other cover stories include a profile of Empire State Building owner Tony Malkin — who is coming off the high of signing a blockbuster 490,000-square-foot lease with Hong Kong’s Li & Fung — and his effort to transform the iconic property, plus a behind-the-scenes look at a record-setting retail deal at 666 Fifth Avenue.
Helping put together the issue for the first time was Candace Taylor, who was promoted from senior residential reporter to deputy managing editor this past month. You’ll still see her byline, as she continues to write in addition to editing and helping shape the magazine from behind the scenes. We’re excited to have her in her new post.
Finally, I’d like to wish The Real Deal a happy eighth birthday! We’ve seen a wild ride since the magazine was born back in April 2003, with a dramatic boom followed by a dramatic bust (and a slow recovery since then). And we look forward to whatever surprises the market has in store this year. Good market or bad, it’s always been exciting.
Stuart Elliott