“Million Dollar Listing” Episode 6: The Third Wheel edition

Finding the perfect home — matching buyer with property and agent with seller — is similar to finding the perfect love, so it is no wonder that passions run high in the wonderful world of SoFla real estate, as depicted by Million Dollar Listing’s Triad of Bliss, Samantha, Chris and Chad, as they try to match up with the perfect deal. In episode six, we see our threesome get divided into a twosome and a lone-some, as Samantha the cheese stands alone, our favorite C and C are running off together on the hunt for high commissions and (dare we dream) a bromance.

As usual, Bravo forces not only life to imitate art, but art to imitate other art — if you consider reality TV art — as our three brokers act out themes in other reality shows, paying homage to those that came before. You may get the sense you’ve seen all this before, but not to worry, you have.

Hold someone you love close and sit back while we regale you with what we learned from the greatest love story ever told and fight off the feeling of déjà vu:

1) America’s Next Top Model Broker:
Chad meets with Michael, the sales director for the Marina Palms, the only development in the last 20 years that offers a full-service marina, to see if he can snag the listing for a 4,300 square foot penthouse going for $4.3M. Having sold 21 penthouses in 18 months and being Douglas Elliman’s top broker for two years, he feels he is a shoe-in. But not so fast! Sam is also in the running for America’s Next Top Broker. She is here to audition, feeling she would make the perfect candidate because she has a background in hospitality and will do whatever she needs to do “to make the client happy.” Happy endings aside, we quickly learn there is yet another contender in this match: Chris. He lays his cards on the table: He has sold 205 units at the W and understands onsite sales as well as offsite sales. Michael leaves it off with an invite to an Art Basel party.

2) Survivor:
Our three anti-heroes converge on the aforementioned Art Basel party ready to play. Chad is off in a corner acting as if he has already secured the listing, while the other two roll their eyes at his bravado. As they clink plastic Absolut cups, Chad tells us that if Sam gets this listing he “is quitting real estate.” When he and Chris go off with Michael to check out the finishes of the model unit, Michael suggests seeing that they both work at Elliman, they should pair up and co-list. Chris jumps on that because “he doesn’t turn down business” and he and Chad scheme to get all of the future penthouse listings. As Sam saunters over asking about when Michael will be deciding, Chris says Chad should “look good and play dumb” as to not tip Sam off on about their alliance. Outwit, Outplay, Outlast. As we cut to a full moon (artsy!) Michael gathers MDL’s three along with the other candidates outside, in order to make things as awkward as possible and announces that everyone but C & C is getting kicked off the island.

3) House Hunters:
Having lost the opportunity to be the third wheel in a C & C twosome, Sam is now on her own, hoping to sell Frank and Terry, a couple interested in moving from Miami to Fort Lauderdale, a single-family home for $1.5M. Frank has some stipulations: it must fit his piano and there must be a slip for his 46’ boat. She charters a boat to show them some possible properties they could buy, the first of which is a 3,800 square foot townhome with 4BRs and a 50-foot dock. She feels it would require less upkeep than a single-family home, is cheaper and brand new. Frank seems to like it, although he keeps his poker face on. At the second home, they don’t get to see it because the boat is too big to fit the dock slip. “If the boat doesn’t fit, we must acquit,” quips Terry as they sail past and onto home No. 3. This home is way too small, will not fit a piano or a boat and by the fourth home, Frank notices the rental boat got dinged. At 2,700 square foot, 3BR and 3.5 baths, there is space for a piano and a boat, but Frank doesn’t like the wood deck.

4) The Bachelor:
Chad and Chris meet to try to convince Michael to give them the whole lot of penthouses which they coin, “The Penthouse Collection.” Dressed for their date, Chris feels he is casually elegant, while Chad balks that Chris is sans tie. Chris feels Chad’s tie clip and too-tight suit make him look like a car dealer. After this playful nagging, they convince Michael to give them the whole penthouse enchilada. To create their plan of attack they take a meeting at a spa, and as Chad slips into the hot tub, Chris remarks, “Your body looks amazing” and then says he should probably put his swim trunks back on, having been commando. They decide to have time-released penthouses — releasing two upper level and two lower level ones at different price points first, as to not saturate the market. As their day of beauty and relaxation continues, the aesthetician says the next step in their couple’s treatment is to smear mud on each other, followed by the most shocking rose ceremony ever.

5) Let’s Make a Deal:
After Sam shows her buyers a fifth home, Frank decides he’d like to make a lowball offer of $1.1M on the $1.289M townhome. Sam makes a personal visit to the brokerage that has the exclusive and she finds out a higher offer has already been declined and there are others viewing the property. Her clients quickly up their bid to $1.2M, but the developer is not reachable. Sam opts to stalk the agent and sit there for hours and hours until she can get an in-person answer. She even offers to drive up to Boca to ask the developer herself, but that is quickly dismissed. Finally, at the end of the day, she learns that while the developer is still hesitant about the offer, as long as they get a signed contract, deposit and an all-cash offer with no contingencies, it is a go!

6) Deal or No Deal:
Chris and Chad host a party for eager buyers at the model apartment. While there they meet Arvo, who is interested in purchasing a penthouse but something bigger than what is being offered. They suggest he buy two and combine them to create a 6,800 square foot, $6.5M monstrosity so his family has a place to stay while visiting him. He hems and haws for a discount, as millionaires are apt to do, but is told that he is getting a bargain buying presale. One of the units isn’t even for sale yet, but if he signs a contract — one he has 15 days to cancel — they will pull it off the market. To sweeten the deal, they tell him he can choose any dock space he’d like. He bites and during the closing credits, we learn that over half the PH units have already been sold by C & C.