Small Talk: Real Estate Predictions for 2020
More technology that doesn’t work and more luxury watches in Hudson Yards
As everyone already knows, the biggest real estate story of 2019 was the August debut of Small Talk in The Real Deal. But 2019 is over, and like all good real estate professionals, our focus at Small Talk is now entirely on the future without any regard for what has happened in the past and whether we can learn anything from it. With that in mind, here are our predictions for the world of real estate this year:
An unexpected surge of interest in Slinkys will temporarily save the brick-and-mortar retail industry. The trend will start when a TikTok influencer posts a video of himself doing an amazing Slinky trick, inspiring youths across the country to try replicating it. They will quickly realize that buying Slinkys online cannot compare to the experience of buying them in stores and start patronizing traditional retailers in record numbers, providing a huge boost to the struggling sector. However, the trend will come to an abrupt halt when someone uncovers the TikTok influencer’s old racist tweets.
The dominant political story of the year for the entire country will be whether progressives in Albany can maintain enough power in New York State government following the 2020 elections to continue passing new legislation concerning rent regulations. Having said that, some voters may also pay attention to certain 2020 elections that are scheduled to take place at the federal level.
Hudson Yards will get another luxury watch store. The main complaint New Yorkers had after the grand opening of Hudson Yards in 2019 was that, apart from Rolex, Patek Philippe and Watches of Switzerland, there were basically no stores where customers could buy fancy watches, especially if you didn’t count the more general interest jewelry stores like Piaget and Cartier that, sure, sell timepieces, but not, like, exclusively. Related Companies will move quickly to remedy this mistake in 2020, opening up an Audemars Piguet store and a Timex store so all of the Audemars Piguet customers can have other customers to laugh at. Nothing about any of this will become a metaphor for income inequality in the 21st century.
Mortgage rates will either rise or fall or stay exactly the same. I figured it would be good to have at least one prediction in here that is basically guaranteed to come true.
Brokers will start to spend at least 10 minutes at every apartment they show explaining how this cool new electronic lock system the building uses is way better than keys. So you know how back in the Stone Age, if you wanted to get into your building, you had to physically put a key into a keyhole, and then you had to turn the key to open the door, and it was the worst and hardest thing in the world? Well, at this new building, you’ll never have to worry about that! All you do to unlock the door here is download this new app called BooKeys, create an account with seven different passwords that you’ll have to change every three hours for security reasons, and then simultaneously hold your phone and your face up to that little screen on the lobby door to get in! Just make sure to put your phone and face up to the screen at the exact same time, or else you’ll get locked out of your BooKeys account and have to buy a new iPhone to get back in. Also, BooKeys breaks, like, all the time. Anyway, enjoy!
Omaha will remain a very affordable and entirely decent place to buy a home and raise a family. But let’s get real: you’re never actually going to move there.