Finding broker freebies

<span style="font-style: italic;">One agent humorously substitutes charm for cash</span>

Brian Podnos, a residential and commercial sales associate at Ben & Company, explains how to keep a pre-bust lifestyle.

Money is tight these days, tighter than my extremely round cousin trying to fit into a size 32 pant.

Like my cousin, I find it hard to stop living in the past. I’m not a financial size 32 anymore, but I can’t stop trying to squeeze into my old lifestyle. As a result, I’ve been struggling to balance my way of life with my bank account.

For a while I didn’t want to believe it; I kept spending, some might say recklessly. When I get into the nightclub, how am I not supposed to make it rain $20 bills?

Recently, however, bills have become an unwelcome shock. But what am I supposed to tell my friends and family? It’s hard to look into the eyes of your peers and tell them business stinks.

So I don’t; I have an image to uphold. I figure it’s like the economy. Even when it’s in the crapper, if people believe things are OK, they trust you enough to buy.

I just have to wait them out.

In the meantime, I’ve got some great tips for how to keep the high-flying lifestyle without spending a penny.

So hold on to your real estate license — you’ll need it to take advantage of some serious New York freebies.

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First, get rid of your televisions and say goodbye to your cable bill. You don’t need the added expense!

I know what you’re saying: No television? Don’t worry; you don’t have to give up your daytime soap operas. You are a broker! You can have all the media satisfaction you need.

Here’s how: Bring your clients to a furnished rental. Get the keys. Then say good-bye to your clients and tell them you have to stay to lock up. Shut the door, and turn on the television!

Now to make it in New York, you’ve also got to be in shape. Everywhere I look, places like 24-Hour Fitness, Get in Shape Already Gym, and You’re a Real Fatty Health Club are springing up. It’s natural to feel that you have to join a gym. But even if you can’t afford it, remember you have the license! Put on your gym shorts (underneath your suit), and get going to some luxury, full-service buildings.

You might need a client, so find a friend in similar straits.

When you leave the gym after a grueling workout, you’ll probably be hungry. But there’s no sense in going to an expensive restaurant. Make your way to every open house out there to get a good meal.

Some of you might call this behavior unethical, perhaps even illegal, but what am I supposed to do? Give up television and gyms with television? Never.

So while money is tight, remember that your license can help. Buckle down and wait out the economy. And try to do your part by pretending nothing is wrong.